Tag Archives: cw: depression

February Fic Recs, 2018

On February 10th, 11th, and 12th, you’re invited to rec your favourite fics, from the all time faves to the WIPs you’re currently enjoying.

I went through my bookmarks on ao3 from 2017 and picked out some fics.
Most of these aren’t Yogs/Hats, because I wanted to showcase fics outside of that fandom as well.  There are lots and lots that I’m certain I’ve forgotten. If you’ve written in the same fandom I do- thank you for sharing your work. I hope to see more in the coming year, but if not, you and your work are still appreciated all the same. So, thanks!

The fandoms I’m actively reading in are Yogs/Hats and Critical Role. But I read anything that interests me in pretty much any other fandom, whether I’ve seen content from it or not. Find something you think I’d like? Feel free to rec me it down below, or on Discord or something.

Fics are sorted alphabetically by title. Summaries are italicized, and my comments are in parentheses. Archive Warnings will be listed where applicable, otherwise, there are none. Mind the tags, and happy reading ^^!

(Edit: fixed links, sorry!)

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Compassion Will Kill You

I’ve read other poetry books by Adrian Bouvier before, (though apparently I never wrote something on Drown, whoops). But anyway, when I saw he had another book on Amazon I had to buy it.

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This one was a lot harder to get through than the last ones, since this deals more with parental abuse, guilt, mental health, drug use, and death. Bouvier has both a detached and a striking way of approaching these subjects, and it hits painfully.

Stag:

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I think Stag was my favorite. Reading it, it has a rhythm evocative of being chased, of an inescapable feeling of running from something, running from everything you’ve screwed up.

Sweet Things:

 

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Sunsea:

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(And, without pics)

Don’t Come Home:

“they say that good men go to war and don’t ever

come back. they say good men go to war.
they say that good men don’t come home from war.
they say good men go to war, and while they’re there
one of two things will happen:

1. that good man will die, or
2. a different man will come back home in a body
3. that once belonged to a good man.

you came back, if you can come back from home,
in a hollow thing. with a hollow thing. as a hollow thing
like a skin you can’t get rid of. the war found a place inside
you to hide and now it’s wearing the good man’s face
you used to own. and you are the hollow thing. you are hollow.

good men do not come home from war.

they say good men go to war. they say bad men
start wars and good men go to them, because it is right.
because that’s where they need to be. you never went.
you never went. you just got born right here. you were born
with a gunshot splintering you out of the womb. you
were born like a bomb out of the belly of a jet. you’ve
been at war your whole life. you’ve been a war
you’re whole life.

you are not the good man who came to this war. he died there.
he died somewhere in between not being able to cry anymore
and that third month in the trench when he shot a man rather than
let him linger. when you learned what mercy is when mustard gas
is involved and he learned he wasn’t good anymore.

they say good men in love go to war and one of three things
will happen:

1. that good man in love will die, or
2. that man in love will die, or
3. that love will die.

and they’re right. nothing stays the same in war.
nothing survives the men’s slaughterhouse that ground
becomes, and especially not love. it gets twisted up,
gets all strange when you sleep on it, creases folded in,
memories faux-gilded in light of all that gore. even
sinning love. even love illegally gained and kept.

you can put that sinning love in your mouth and chew it
into a different shape, a new kind of awful: nobody cares
in a trench. nobody goddamn cares in a trench.

no good man comes back from a war. nothing good
comes back from a war.

good men start wars and good men die in wars and
good men get lost.”

If this sounds like your kind of thing, check it out on Amazon.

Check out the rest of my posts about poetry here.

Why I Dropped Out of College

I tend not to put too much of my personal life on this blog, both because I don’t really have much of one, but also because I’m a private person and this blog is mostly for writing.

But I know probably a lot of my readers are around my age and/or struggle with some of the mental health stuff I do.

And ultimately, this blog is about stories, in a way.
So I wanted to share this with you, part of my story, because you never know who might need it. And it’s better for me to talk about it and accept it than it is to ignore it and hide it away like it doesn’t exist. Because doing that sure as hell doesn’t have any benefits for me, really. Typing this all out is rather cathartic.

cw: talk about depression, mental health issues, mention of suicidal ideation/morbid thoughts/low self esteem, mention of visiting doctors/taking medication, stress and anxiety, college

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shouldn’t//imperfect- playlist

a playlist for searching for something unknown, and always losing it, regardless.

for trying to find your place in the world.
for things in the past, for things in the present, for future things unknown.
for things that are hard to talk about.
for making mistakes; for doing things right.
for thinking one thing and being proven wrong, or right.
for trying.
for trying so hard.
for feeling like you’re failing, anyway.

things matter, even when everything is difficult.

and things are Hard, lately.

Take care of yourselves.
~Ghost

Tracklist below the read-more.

Check out the Spotify playlist here.

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February Fic Recs, 2017

On February 10th, 11th, and 12th, you’re invited to rec your favourite fics, from the all time faves to the WIPs you’re currently enjoying.

I went through my bookmarks on ao3 from 2016 and picked out some fics.
Most of these aren’t Yogs/Hats, because I wanted to showcase more outside of that fandom.  There are lots and lots that I’m certain I’ve forgotten. If you’ve written in the same fandom I do- thank you for sharing your work. I hope to see more in the coming year, but if not, you and your work are still appreciated all the same. So, thanks!

Also, let it be known the only fandom I consider myself to be “in” is Yogs/Hats, because that’s what I write in and mostly interact in.
I do, however, read anything that interests me in pretty much any other fandom, whether I’ve seen content from it or not. Find something you thing I’d like? Feel free to rec me it down below, or on Discord or something.

Fics are sorted alphabetically by title. Summaries are italicized, and my comments are in parentheses. Archive Warnings will be listed where applicable, otherwise, there are none. Mind the tags, and happy reading ^^!

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Trust Fall- Everyone Has Tattoos AU

Clearing out the random headcanons/AUs/rough drafts in my Googledocs that won’t get fics anytime soon. If anyone wants to add on/chime in/create something, feel free.

Here’s some tattooed angst for your Thanksgiving. I think this started out with Smith saying “my rose is in bloom” in some vid, and somehow that evolved into everyone having tattoos.
And then I ended up putting a lot of personal feelings into Trott’s character.
Even though this is a lot of information (and a stupid amount of links) I don’t think it’s a story that I’m going to finish. So. Here’s the framework. Hope you enjoy.

playlist here, tracklist here.

cw: tattoos, piercings, smoking, drinking, sex, mental health issues, brief sexual harassment, brief gendered slur?, mention of medication, mention of needles.
If I need to tag something, let me know.

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Obedient Servant – ghostofgatsby

Alex stands up, shaking his head and scrambling the papers on the floor into his arms. “I can’t, Burr, I’m sorry- I just can’t,” he continues.
“Hamilton-”
“Tests are coming up next week. I have a month until I graduate and my grades can’t be what they are now. They’re not bad, but if I can raise my gpa just a smidge higher, then I can-”
Alexander,” Burr snaps, and Alex loses all the breath in his lungs at the dominant tone in his voice.
His hands shake where he clutches a stack of student papers. He has papers to grade, he has things to do, but Burr wants to dom him right now? Is he serious? How is that going to solve-
Burr holds out his hand. “Make me a list, Alexander,” he says.
And it’s an order.

Alexander Hamilton’s mind runs faster than the speed of light. Sometimes, all that overworking only serves to make him a mess of a man- and Burr gets tasked with picking up the pieces.

Rating: Mature

CW: depression, bdsm, anxiety and self esteem issues. if I need to tag anything else, let me know.

Read on Ao3